Capitalism, the Spice of Life


Hugo Chavez, the freedomly challenged American hating Venezuelan dictator in a speech he gave while vacationing in Iran, said, “Capitalism needs to go down. It has to end. And we must take a transitional road to a new model that we call socialism.” Wow, new model? What a fun PR campaign this is going to be. Socialism, We Do It Better Than Hitler! Socialism, this way everyone can be dirt poor! Socialism, because you’re too stupid to govern yourself! Or, Socialism, Destroying Freedom One Business At A Time!

But maybe I’m being too hard on the little oppressor. Perhaps the only reason he hates capitalism so much is because he’s never experienced the benefits of a free market. Who knows, the little tyrant might feel differently if he had say a Gap to shop at. He’d see that shirts come in other colors besides commie red and have an epiphany, forever changing his world view. Years later in his memoirs, I Used to Be A Socialist Jerk Until I Bought a Henley, he’ll write about that fateful day when he tried on a lime green polo with antique wash jeans. When he looked in the three way mirror and realized, “There are pants out there that don’t make my butt look big. I’ve been such an ass all these years.” He’ll talk about how he openly wept in front of the fitted Tees display.

More likely scenario, the people of Venezula will rise up and chose freedom over oppression and overthrow the little Neo-Nazi Socialist dill hole.

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