Questions to Ask If You Are a Hooker Advertising on Craigslist


Prostitutes advertising their services on Craigslist now have one more thing to worry about other than some dude sending them a photo of a really hot guy whose not him. There is some lunatic serial murderer prowling the sex trade ads looking for victims. Now, the simple solution would seem to be don’t advertise on Craigslist. But that’s stupid, a person cannot possibly be expected to pass up free advertising to millions of people just because there’s a really good chance they’ll be made dead. That’s nonsense. So now what should a “professional” do to avoid being hideously murdered? I’ve come up with a list of questions to ask the John before you meet him in a dark secluded place miles from nowhere to give him a lap dance before you die.

1. Are you the Craigslist killer? Just get that one right out of the way first. If he says no, he might be lying so you’ll have to follow up with some other questions to catch him.

2. What are your hobbies? If he says knives, cutting people, hiding in bushes, making clothes out of human skin, stuffing bodies in 55 gallon drums, or the like, do not meet him. He will probably murder you. Caring for the elderly, hugging puppies, having a good cry, are all exceptable, however, he’s probably gay.

3. Do you like your mother? My mother was an unloving coldblooded snake, I hate my mother, I killed my mother, are all “red flag” answers. Chances are he will at some point start confusing you with his twisted mother and kill you. Most likely after he’s forced you at knife point to dress like June Cleaver and make him pancakes.

4. Why are we going to an abandoned warehouse to meet? So no one can hear you scream, Clean up’s a breeze, I like to be naked when I murder people…. Again, anything like these means you will end up dead, and not pretty dead like a princess who died in her big princess bed from heartbreak over the loss of her love kind of dead, no you’ll be ugly dead, like Jack the Ripper dead (google it if you are unsmart and don’t know who that is, and how is that possible you’re a hooker? Jack the Ripper is like a hookers Stonewall, go google that one too dummy, you definitely won’t know that reference).

5. When you say you collect feet, do you mean shoes? Um yeah… that’s what I meant, Sort of…, No I mean human feet, are all unacceptable answers. Do not meet this guy unless you just have to have your feet cut off. Or you are too poor to buy shoes and see this as a good alternative.

6. Is Jeffery Ripper Bundy your real name? No it’s my spy name, Yes my dead mom was a big history buff, I want to meet you so I can carve my initials into your face, all mean he wants to cut you into little tiny bite size piece and feed you to his pet boa constrictor Cuddles.

7. What’s the duct tape for? I want to show you my skills, Just in case, To immobilize you while I sacrifice you to the Moon goddess… only then will I become transformed into a powerful wizard dragon and complete my awakening, ok you will not want to meet any guys giving these answers, you also might want to change your name and move to a different town. He’s probably watching you from the bushes outside your window. Also, any guy who makes you bring the stuff he needs to murder you, means he cheap and won’t pay.

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