Sticky Fail


Somewhere out there I’m sure there is a term for the exact moment in time when an effective process, great idea or all around awesome thing becomes the precise opposite of it’s intended purpose, and begins to suck tremendously. Now I don’t know what that term is, so I am going to make one up. The term will be called Sticky Fail, which actually segue’s nicely into my point. I work in an office with computers and Microsoft Office and all that stuff that’s designed to keep me efficient and productive. However, taking the time to learn how to use those programs is, in my opinion, a completely inefficient and unproductive waste of my time. So instead I use the Post It method of tracking and cataloging important pieces of information. My method is a simple and quick two step process, 1) if it’s important for me to remember, I write it on a sticky, 2) then I take said sticky and put it where ever there is space on my desk. Unfortunately months of employing this simple method have resulted in Sticky Fail. I now have so many stickies plastered all over my desk they’ve become like visual “white noise.” My eyes no longer register brightly colored little square shapes, but instead, my retinal sensors have become numb to the tiny paper assault of stationary neon cubes and subsequently require more aggressive stimulation to trigger a neural spark, such as airplanes or laser blasts. Anything short of a giant shiny flying object zipping past my window or a mushroom cloud hardly gets a sizzle of brain activity. My stickies are my enemies. They have no meaning. Add to that the fact that I no longer understand what the cryptic little messages, ironically constructed to save time, mean. So now, instead of having gentle little colorful reminders of all my important stuff, I’ve got an office full of hate squares, that when, actually having succeeded in being finally noticed, serve only to cement that dark feeling of dread preceding the realization that I just failed to do something SUPER important! But that’s not even the saddest part. The saddest part is that I haven’t come up with anything better to combat Sticky Fail. Suggestions are greatly appreciated unless they include any or all of the following:

1. If you actually worked, you wouldn’t have time to mess with sticky’s.
2. Hey moron, that’s what the big calendar on your desk is for.
3. Clean off your desk once in a while and you might not have this problem.
4. You’re fat, stop sitting around on your huge butt writing on post its and exercise!
5. Post its are bad for the environment, there bright irritating colors anger and confuse animals and homeless people. Plus, they’re existence stomps a giant neon colored carbon foot print right on mother earth’s heart. Bad, bad post its.
6. Only idiots use post its.

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