Rabbit Trail….

Obama has decided to publicly observe the National Day of Prayer by privately praying at home.  Or as his spokesperson put it, he’s just going back to the practice of the president before the Bush administration, better known as Clinton.  But not too far back though, to like  Bush Sr., Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon, etc. Because all those guys publicly supported the National Day of Prayer by publicly attending the event.  I know, crazy.  But in Obama’s defense, he might be on to something here.  Maybe he could  publicly observe his presidency by staying at home for that as well.

Presidential Diaries…….

Excerpts from Washington’s diary……….

Where, how, or with whom my time is spent…

March 1797

I am at this most peaceful juncture in my present moment arrived at my abode, the Mount of Vernon, a lovelier and more welcoming sight have I not yet seen.  My Wife in full splendor has regaled my homecoming with a most lovely and joyous party to be celebrated on the evening after next.   She has such kind intentions and I have given full consent to the party which to I do not fully consent.  That knowledge brings me to my most awful of dilemmas.  Since the time of my boyhood and that devil cherry tree I have been regarded as a man for whom lying cannot be done!  It is here in the quiet of my study while seated in the comfort of my favored chair that I can finally be relieved of the burdens I have carried low these many many years…

To whom and for what have I lied..

1.  My dearest Wife Martha, this saddens me to the greatest depths of my soul to confess to you that yes, my Love, the blue silk dressing gown your cousin Ann purchased for you in Paris most assuredly does greatly enhance the wideness of your backside.  As well, the green wall color you have selected for the dinning area off the entry gives my head the most horrific fit and makes my stomach wretch so terribly upon seeing it.

2.  My most esteemed friend and colleague Mister Alexander Hamilton.  It is with heavy heart I am compelled to tell you that this Christmas last when we were enjoying the company of your lovely family and beautiful Wife, Elizabeth, we all of us as one chorus with praise and adulation proclaimed Elizabeth’s Apple Brown Betty to be of superior flavor and matched by no other.  We lied, all of us, without exception.  The dog would not even take of it after several attempts were made.  Please give your Wife our warmest regards and pray tell her never to make such an abomination again.

3.  The stable master Thomas.  The saddle you mount my steed with is most uncomfortable and it is only as the result of your having made it that I have not said so sooner.  My silence was intentional hoping that other indicators would impress on you the gravity of my plight.  Having said that, Thomas, I ask you, do your eyes fail you and render you blind?  Have you no notice of the absurdly large amounts of wool padding I place underneath my self before I set out?  And if that not be enough to persuade you, how is it you miss completely that with each return, I cannot walk upright for a fortnight or more because of how that saddle stings me so!  Dash it all Thomas! The saddle is stiff as the dead!

4.  My faithful manservant Christopher, I did not submit to you an answer with complete honesty at all with regard to your newest wig style of yet.  I feel it is most urgent  I  say this before you go one moment more believing the coif on your head renders you most desirable to the fairer sex.  It is, most factually, repelling those for whom you wish to attract.  To put this is in it’s proper context I must tell you it was remarked to Caroline, my Wife’s maid by the old Smith weaver woman, you know weaver Smith, she is the limping old woman who is  missing all but one front tooth she favors most fervently, that it is in fact the case your wig offends her sensibilities.  Weaver Smith takes offense at your hair!  My trusted Manservant, recall if you will that the weaver Smith is not discriminating in the least with her assignations, and it is that even she cannot bare the sight of you!   A more unfortunate pronouncement I cannot recall.  Go now to the docks at once upon knowledge of this and make no haste about it!  Cast the atrocity that sits atop your head into the deep of the Potomac never to horrify those you love again.

5. To my loyal butler Frank, I lied, you are not the earths most beloved pillow fluffer.

6. Weaver Smith, your one remaining tooth does in fact make you look like a toothless hag.  Sorry to have said otherwise.

7.  To my dear friend, Mister Thomas Jefferson, your neck stock does accentuate the lengthiness of your neck making you look like a strung up giraffe.

8. Cousin Mary, you are too old to ever find happiness.

9. Nephew Johnathan, I told your father you burned down his barn when in fact it was my drunk butler Frank who did it.  Sorry about the scolding, I heard it was most brutal.  Plan on leaving you some land when I die to make up for it.  A nice piece, not that fallow slop your brother’s getting.

That is all for one sitting.  My dearest Wife’s maidservant Mollie calls for me to go to my Wife who I know is standing right next to her, but does not herself call, because that is what Mollie is supposed to do.  Oh how I learned that lesson a most hard way.

Presidential Diaries……

Excerpt from Lincoln’s Diary………

November Seventeen, Year of Our Lord Eighteen Hundred Sixty Three,

Diary,

I need to devise a stately and memorable title for my Gettysburg address.  I have so very few hours left with which to craft my words, where does one begin but at the beginning I suppose.

The Gettysburg’s Talking To

The Pennsylvania Proposal at Gettysburg

The Proposing of Equality at Gettysburg Pennsylvania

Gettysburg Shakedown

Mayhaps I should just begin to write the speech and the title will transpire…

Hundreds of months ago our fathers

Thirty-one thousand seven hundred and fifty-five days ago our fathers

A long long long long time ago our fathers

A while ago

My mind confounds me…… how to begin such an endeavor…?  Ah my faithful kitten Loghouse has come to comfort me in my despair…

Presidential Diaries

Large swaths of history have been recounted in Presidential memoirs.  From the most humble of diaries to the formidable imposing leather bound journal, these national treasures have kept safe the intimate thoughts of our Commander in Chief throughout history.  So it is with great veneration we read a few excerpts from the Presidential Diaries……

Excerpt from the pages of  our 13th President,  Millard Fillmore.
October 4, 1863

Dear Diary,

Oh how he vexes me my faithful diary, companion to my weary, soft to the touch, full of paper.  A more treacherous act of theivery have I never heard claimethed.  President “Ninny” Lincoln, a most unremarkable man as history will attest to be sure,  has henceforth heretofore declared the last Thursday of November next, a day of, getteth this, Thanksgiving. All of the country has lauded his declaration and praised him forevereth and foreverth.  Hornswoggler!  He stole my inspired idea and gaveth me no glory for this notion that was clearly mine.  For as you will recall dear friend, as President it was I who made proclamation of Nice Day, a day whereby all citizens will be nice from the moment of the first ray of sunrise until very end of the midmorn, or just after breakfast if one  is in haste.   It was to be celebrated on the third Wednesday of September,  every other year ifeth that year end in an even number.  I knoweth, the two declarations are so closeth in nature it is clear he has tried to honeth in on my racket!  Jerketh.

Yours faithfully,

Millard