Australia has the longest fence in the world spanning 3000 miles across it’s southern territories. The purpose is to keep the dingoes out, because they eat everything, and even though they’re dogs, they don’t make good pets. This was discovered early on when the first settler who tried to pet one got eaten. Which supports my general premise that everything in Australia is actively trying to kill you. The whole country is filled with creatures bent on killing and eating everyone. Moving on. Scientists were surprised when they discovered, however, that the side of the fence with the dingoes actually had a more diverse ecosystem. Whereas, the fenced in side had more Kangaroos and foxes, mid-level predators, but fewer small animals like Numbats and quolls. I am not making that up, those are actual animals. So the food chain goes like this, dingoes eat kangaroos and foxes, mostly, as well as everything else, but they usually will go for the big animals first, and then the kangaroos and foxes eat all the smaller animals. See, it’s a food chain. So when you take out the alpha predator, it jacks up the food chain, causing ecochaos and destroying the world.
Now this got me thinking about diversity, how diversity is created and how it fits into the grand scheme of things in general. And then it dawned on me who could best benefit from the great Australian fence experiment. Universities! Universities are always trying to promote diversity and now with Dingo Diversity they might just achieve it.
I have to stop right here and point out that I am not in fact advocating the release of actual Dingos onto the Campuses across the U.S. as a means of promoting diversity.
What I am advocating is far more dangerous and controversial, and some of you may wish that it was only Dingos……. but it is in fact conservatives. Yes, I am advocating releasing a whole host of conservatives into Universities across America. Think about it, Conservative opinion has been “fenced out” of academic debate for decades, and as a result, liberals, or mid-level predators, have eaten all the smaller animals or in this case minority view points. It’s not about debate with mid-level predators, it’s about eating small animals. So in order to diversify this food chain, or academic debate as it were, there needs to be an influx of alpha predators to eat the mid level predators so that the smaller animals can multiply thus creating diversity. Conservatives, by their very nature are alpha predators, they have a singular objective, truth, not relative truth, or “squishy touchy feely” truth, but objective truth. Truth that does not change shape or evolve to suit anyones needs, Truth is not a living orgamism that keeps up with times, it just IS, and the alpha predator knows it. So as a rule they don’t bother much with the smaller animals, because well they’re small and why eat something small when you can eat something bigger, but don’t get me wrong, if hungry enough the conservative will eat a small animal. So here’s how the new academic food chain would work, with the re-introduction of the alpha predator, the conservative, you have active debate with the mid-level predator or the liberal, which mittigates the mid-level predator’s ability to take out the smaller animals or minority view point for several reasons, and here are two, the first being, once logic and reason is injected back into debate and it begins to take hold, some mid-level predators will see the light and become alpha predators, secondly, the culture of debate created by the re-introduction of the alpha predator benefits everyone on campus including small animals or minority view points. This newly created culture of debate can then flourish creating even more diversity, oodles of it, University acedemics and students alike will be sick with diversity. They will pine for the day when they only had vanilla and chocolate ice cream to choose from. When it was just Atari or Intellivision, Beta or VHS. But see here’s my point, you don’t even get to chocolate without debate and someone challenging vanilla saying, “Hey I don’t agree with Vanilla Beanism, I believe Coco Beanism. I think it is more reasonable and logical to be a Coco Beanist.” That can’t happen if campuses are full of Kangaroos and Foxes and a few Numbats. Not kidding that is an animal. Universities need Dingo Diversity. The world needs it. Viva la Dingo Revolution!