Rep. Steny Hoyer wants to be convinced before he agrees to anymore troops in Afghanistan. He says that the Pentagon is gonna have to produce a really good plan, a “successful plan” this time for winning in Afghanistan. As an assist, congress has come up with some motivating ideas for the Pentagon to think about while coming up with an acceptable strategy:
1. Do it for Obama, (may he be forever blessed…)
2. Instead of bullets, shoot hope
3. Free Tank rides for the kiddies
4. Soldier Swap, soldiers and locals swap places for a week of fun filled learning and understanding
5. Sometimes quitting is winning
6. Pay more attention to us!!!
7. One Word: Balloon Animals
8. Uniforms that are less threatening, pastels are good, maybe a flowy linen wrap, something that says, “Hey there, we can be friends, I’m harmless.” Think Doug Henning meets Stevie Nicks.
9. Give away puppies. That always works for us, seriously half the ear marks we have are because someone got a puppy. I’m not naming any names….. Murtha.
10. Try to relate to the locals, maybe share about how America isn’t all that great either and you can sympathize with their plight… but don’t bad mouth us or the administration, just blame Bush.