Nobel Peace Prize Future Nominee Speaks

Obama’s winning of the Nobel Peace Prize for giving people “a hope for a better future,”  has actually done just that.  Millions, nay, billions of people around the world are now united in the hope that they too, might receive a Nobel Peace Prize for attempting to do something.  I mean aren’t we all taught from a very early age that we should at least try?  Obama simply has the audacity to live out the example our parents taught us.  Which brings me to my point.  In light of the clearly new standards for meriting a Nobel Peace Prize I’d like to nominate myself for 2010.  I have compiled a list of things  I’ve tried to do over the course of my life that I believe, and know you will agree, are shining examples of extraordinary things I’ve succeeded in not doing.

1)  Almost learned French, Italian, German, Latin and Japanese.  It’s true, but fortunately I did not master any of these, because that would have disqualified me.

2) Almost started a business at least three times that I can recall.  All those failed so I’m good there.

3) Almost got a PhD., but didn’t.  I did get a Masters which I’m hoping the committee will overlook with a gift of an attempt at homemade cookies.

4) Tried to run a marathon got injured in training.  That right there is a brilliant example of trying and not doing.

5) Almost saw the Badlands, came within 12 miles of them, but fortunately my dad put a stop to that.

6) Almost signed countless petitions to save untold numbers of endangered species but didn’t.

7) Almost turned left this morning, but at the last minute went right.

8 ) Have attempted many times to buy a dog but just haven’t gotten around to doing it.

9) Have made stabs at potty training youngest and haven’t succeeded there either.

10) Tried to tell a woman that her false eyelash was coming off and she looked like she had a caterpillar crawling on her eyelid but  instead got coffee.

11) I’ve tried but failed to improve the life of just one pair of Jimmy Choo pumps but have never been able to do so………. mainly because they’re about $1200 dollars a pair.

12) Almost got on a budget my whole married life.  Which is an effort I share with the entire U.S. Congress.

13) Almost went to three of my four  grandparents funerals.

14) Almost believed Madonna had turned her life around and would now be normal.

15) Tried to believe that perms really weren’t a creation of the devil designed to sucker women into something that will ultimately only serve to make them look like this

bad perm

16) Tried to mow my lawn in Florida once while 5 months pregnant.  Stopped half way through and hire a service.

16)  I once tried to see how windy it was outside by rolling down the window in a moving vehicle.  Think about it.  That’s stupid.

17) Tried to be a redhead.

18) Tried Atkins.

19) Supplements, still haven’t managed those.

20) Almost learned to write in cursive with my right hand.

21) Tried to like 24 and Lost but still can’t get into them.

22) Lifetime of attempting to organize my junk is only marginal at best.

23) No victory for liking Starbucks dark roast yet either.

24) Trying not to complain.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

25) Trying to come to terms with Arrested Development and now Monk being canceled.

26) Tried scrap booking.  Too many options, get confused.

27) Have made several attempts at writing a book.  Got three or four really good half first chapters.  Seriously, they’d be New York Times bestsellers, but I need them unfinished for the Nobel Prize and then after I win I’ll finish them.

28) Tried to spell Czhcechloslavokia once without help.

29) Tried to say pro-disestablishmentarianism.

30) Attempted to start a fire while camping.

31) Tried tough love, golf, and Vegemite.

Well the list is actually endless.  Which, yesterday, I might have thought was sad, but today, I’ve been given hope that all I really need in life is to have the intention of something great.  Thanks Nobel Prize committee for recognizing that no great thing need every really be accomplished but only attempted.

* I am no longer proofreading blog posts as the “idea” of good grammar and punctuation is as good as having actually achieved good grammar and error free punctuation.


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