DOD Keeps Santa Alive for Canada

Between the Russians scurrying to claim the north pole  and a crappy health care system the Department of Defense (DOD) and the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD)  have once again decided against telling Canada Santa doesn’t exist.   NORAD is the U.S-Canadian organization “charged with the missions of aerospace warning and aerospace control for North America, and since 1959 NORAD has been “tracking” Santa’s flight from the north pole to the home’s of children everywhere.  Which it will continue to do this year as well according to official DOD reports.  When asked why Canada, a partner in NORAD, had not yet been informed that Santa’s a big fat phony, the DOD issued this statement:

“It never came up.”

A spokesperson for the department did say that it was always the intention of the DOD and NORAD to tell Canada of Santa’s non-existence, but they just couldn’t bring themselves to do it.  “You just have to be there to understand.  Every year we tell ourselves, ‘OK, this year at the Christmas party, we’re all agreed we’re gonna tell them,’  and then we see the excitement and joy in their eyes and it’s all over man.  We just push it off till next year.”

When questioned why it was that Canada hasn’t figured out on their own that Santa doesn’t exist, one DOD official had this to say, “We filter their cable and internet access as well as scrub their print media.  It’s a rather large undertaking which is why the DOD has an entire devision dedicated to preserving the innocence of Canada.”

With budget cuts reaching unprecedented levels (I just made that part up, but I’m pretty sure I’m not wrong) the DOD can’t say whether or not they will keep the ruse up for another year, but they are fairly confident in their powers of subterfuge, should they decide to, as was remarked by one official, “Hey they’re still Curling aren’t they?”


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