Rabbit Trail…..

I was thinking about hotel flower arrangements this morning and I was wondering how they have fared during the recent economic ickyness.  As I suspected, hotels have cut back on things like flowers to save money.  The Ritz Carlton has gone to using things like apples and potted plants instead of fancy floral arrangements. Reasoning that hotel guests don’t really notice the difference and it cuts down on costs significantly.  Understandably, potted plants just need water and apples can go at least a week before you have to recycle them into a fruit tart.  But I think any guest staying at the Ritz Carlton is reasonable to expect that the $400 a night price tag includes  a massive mound of floral fanciness in the lobby,

and not the genetically engineered apple-cactus,

Some other cost savings measures, no more staff, so instead of a plumber you get a plunger and forget everything you learned in high school Spanish because the maids are gone.  The valets have been replaced with no one and the man you gave your keys to has just stolen your car.

Spinning the less is more concept,  Hilton has begun advertising the Executive Adventure Suite.  For the price of a regular suite, executives will get the added excitement of not knowing whether there will be towels, sheets, running water or electricity.  So far the reviews are mixed.  However, one unintended benefit, companies are finding the threat of the Adventure Suite a useful motivational tool.  The Marriott’s, Intellectual Suite has no cable or phone.  And the Holiday Inn’s austere Live Like An Inmate Suite is gaining popularity among young men.

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Big Bald Win For Human Rights

China has lifted a ban on bald Taiwanese tourist visas.  The policy was originally designed to prevent bald people from disguising themselves by using a wig, because according to Chinese disguise experts, it’s easier for bald guys to disguise themselves.  Also, once the rug is in place, they all look alike again. Their words, not mine.  Thrilled with the decision, Amnesty International released this statement, “China is clearly feeling our pressure. We view this action as a huge victory for bald Taiwanese tourists, who represent 0.00007% of the worlds population, and 0% of political prisoners everywhere.  Really we couldn’t be more pleased with China’s courageous display of humanity.”

So this guy’s happy.

But Little Asian Wrestlers are still banned.  So there’s that….

Cows Furious as Humans Try to Hone In on Their Racket

It’s World Cup season again, for the rest of the world, and that of course means lots of ancillary acts of stupidity by mass amounts of people.  Generally speaking these moments of mayhem only annoy, injure, or kill those unfortunate individuals who happen to be standing near by.  However, a recent people stampede during an exhibition game in South Africa,  between Nigeria and North Korea,  has pissed off some local cows.  Cows,  normally a very docile and agreeable animal, seen here in this photo:

Are now hopping mad (see hopping mad cow photo below):

According to local dairy farmer, Albert Van Jurgenwooden, cows are very territorial about their behavior and they don’t like punk spectators pimping their thing.   When asked why he thought the cows get uppity about imitators, Van Jurgenwooden replied, “Well they know they don’t really do anything ‘cept stand and stare, so I guess they feel like stampeding is their thing ya know? Don’t want anyone takin’ it, especially not a group of yahoo World Cup fans. Oh and they hate  football. Wrecks the grass.”

Van Jurgenwooden’s sentiments are echoed in this collection of photos from a recent “Take Back the Cow Thing” rally.  Seen here are cow after cow of angry faces.

Video footage was taken at the rally.  Here a group of cows can heard strongly protesting what they see as a violation of a cow’s right to have their thing that no one else does, chiefly the stampede.

They’re mad as hell and they’re not gonna take it anymore….