At any given moment in this great nation The Godfather I and or II is playing on a Turner owned cable station. When it’s in my cable viewing area, I am watching. Not intentionally, it really just kind of happens. It’s like a good weekend war movie. You probably have a bunch of other junk you need to do, but you’ll blow an entire afternoon watching The Great Escape for the 349th time because Steve McQueen is AWESOME… Anyhow, every time I watch The Godfather movies I learn something. I’ve made a handy list you can print and take with you.
1. All Italians are in the mob. Except for maybe the Pope, but only when he’s not Italian.
2. If your other two brothers are idiots, you will end up having to have one of them killed.
3. Which brings me to my next point, don’t be Freddo.
4. Try to always be driving the car.. better yet, public transit everywhere.
5. If you have to ask, your husband probably does kill people for a living.
6. When you know you’ve screwed the family, and you know they know you’ve screwed them, but they’re still really nice to you, you’re going to die. Probably pretty soon too.
7. You don’t go through Jersey marshes to get good cannoli.
8. No matter how much protection your house in Tahoe has, your bedroom will still get all shot up.
9. Kate will not understand you.
10. Stealing rugs from rich people is easy.
11. Never have a favorite pet, or horse… or anything with a head.
12. The mob has scholarship programs to law school… with a job placement for when you get out.
13. Don’t be the brother-in-law that got Sonny killed. That ends badly for you. Cuz Mikey will agree not to kill you, and then do it anyway.
And besides you killed James Caan!
14. There’s no such thing as a “random” run on mattresses.
15. Crying doesn’t help you get less killed.