Berlusconi Bologna

How can you tell if an Italian man is lying?  He tells you about how much sex he’s having.  How can you tell if an Italian man is really lying?  He tells you about how much sex he’s not having.  That is how I know Italy’s Premier Silvio Berlusconi is a big fat liar with his pants on fire.  He is presently being indicted for using his office to pay for sex with women, one of whom is a minor, and then cover it up, and by cover it up I mean make up the most amazingly stupid reasons for why he didn’t do it, and if he did do some of it, why it’s ok.

In an interview with La Repubblica he denies the veracity of the charges because, his words, “Even though I am a little brat … 33 girls in two months seems like too much even for a 30 year old.”

….. little brat?

He goes on to say, “It’s too much for anybody.” Charlie Sheen.  Now I’ll grant he may not have had sex with 33 women in two months.  But he is having sex with multiple women on a regular basis.  Despite his claim that, “he has a girlfriend, whose identity is secret, who was always with him and would not have allowed what the prosecutors allege. ‘She would have ripped my eyes out,’ he said.”  Now that actually I believe.

He goes on to dispute the claims that he was with girls in the discos because he hates dancing.  Here’s why that one doesn’t work.  Most men hate most things women like most of the time.  And yet, you still see this kind of thing…

And this..

Ok I’ve actually never seen that..  But it is a real dude trying to breastfeed his kid.  That is messed up.  My point is this, men almost never go to discos to dance.  They are there solely to pick up scantily clad women, which hopefully ends with the two getting it on.

Anyhow,  Berlusconi, in a truly valiant effort to humanize this whole farce defends the parts he’s not lying about by saying he was just trying to help people (prostitutes) by paying for basic needs like the dentist (boob job) and university fees (pimp dues).

Apparently it’s not illegal to pay for sex in Italy…really?.. if the girl is 18.  Which, as luck would have it, one of the girls in question will be in November of this year.  She’s a Moroccan girl Berlusconi swears he was helping because he thought she was the deposed Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak’s niece.  When will people ever stop using that excuse??

My predictions, indictments will be dropped after lead prosecutor wakes up next to horse head, statue erected in Berlusconi’s honor, age of consent laws changed to “I thought she was legal.”

(I had to sing the Oscar Meyer song to spell bologna)

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