Rabbit Trail…

He’s discovered working in a Fish n Chips shop…

Prada gets a hold of him…

Happy kid.

Deter from Sprockets.

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Berlusconi Bologna

How can you tell if an Italian man is lying?  He tells you about how much sex he’s having.  How can you tell if an Italian man is really lying?  He tells you about how much sex he’s not having.  That is how I know Italy’s Premier Silvio Berlusconi is a big fat liar with his pants on fire.  He is presently being indicted for using his office to pay for sex with women, one of whom is a minor, and then cover it up, and by cover it up I mean make up the most amazingly stupid reasons for why he didn’t do it, and if he did do some of it, why it’s ok.

In an interview with La Repubblica he denies the veracity of the charges because, his words, “Even though I am a little brat … 33 girls in two months seems like too much even for a 30 year old.”

….. little brat?

He goes on to say, “It’s too much for anybody.” Charlie Sheen.  Now I’ll grant he may not have had sex with 33 women in two months.  But he is having sex with multiple women on a regular basis.  Despite his claim that, “he has a girlfriend, whose identity is secret, who was always with him and would not have allowed what the prosecutors allege. ‘She would have ripped my eyes out,’ he said.”  Now that actually I believe.

He goes on to dispute the claims that he was with girls in the discos because he hates dancing.  Here’s why that one doesn’t work.  Most men hate most things women like most of the time.  And yet, you still see this kind of thing…

And this..

Ok I’ve actually never seen that..  But it is a real dude trying to breastfeed his kid.  That is messed up.  My point is this, men almost never go to discos to dance.  They are there solely to pick up scantily clad women, which hopefully ends with the two getting it on.

Anyhow,  Berlusconi, in a truly valiant effort to humanize this whole farce defends the parts he’s not lying about by saying he was just trying to help people (prostitutes) by paying for basic needs like the dentist (boob job) and university fees (pimp dues).

Apparently it’s not illegal to pay for sex in Italy…really?.. if the girl is 18.  Which, as luck would have it, one of the girls in question will be in November of this year.  She’s a Moroccan girl Berlusconi swears he was helping because he thought she was the deposed Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak’s niece.  When will people ever stop using that excuse??

My predictions, indictments will be dropped after lead prosecutor wakes up next to horse head, statue erected in Berlusconi’s honor, age of consent laws changed to “I thought she was legal.”

(I had to sing the Oscar Meyer song to spell bologna)

Dalai Lama Resigns

Ok how is this even possible?  He can’t resign, he’s like a minor deity.  Small g gods can’t just up and quit.  Good time to ask what would Jesus do?  And He’s got the whole universe to run. Tell me that’s not a bitter disappointment what with Pluto being demoted and all the stupid people out there.  Besides, if The Golden Child is anything to go by, which it is, the Dali Lama has to die and be born again (not the Christian kind) get kidnapped by bad guys and rescued by Eddie Murphy.  But no where in that elaborate plot does he get to resign.  No he is one of a long line of Lama’s that are destined to rule the Tibetan exiles until death when another Lama replaces him.  Maybe he’s just tired.  He’s 75, got a neat hat collection, see below:

But I say too bad.  You’re the Dalai Lama.  You don’t get to quit.  What kind of example are you setting for an entire nation of exiles that have been fighting for independence for 52 years when you just up and decide one day, hey man, it’s too hard?!?  There is no quitting in deism.  The dictionary is very clear on that point.  (disclaimer: dictionary not very clear on that point)

Rabbit Trail…

So France is the first to formally recognize the rebels in Libya as a legitimate group of people who want to get rid of Ghadfi and govern or something, didn’t really read the FULL article… it’s complicated.  Anyway, they’re the first country to do that…France…who hasn’t really been into defending anything except their language and cheese for like a hundred years, has manned up and taken charge.  That alone should embarrass Obama into some sort of response but instead he’s holding a  summit on anti-bullying.  I guess that’s on par with keeping peace in the middle east.  He claims to have been bullied as a child in Hawaii… but has failed to produce any proof of that… what’s new?

Welcoming Women Drivers into the Kingdom

A senior Saudi prince is questioning the Kingdom’s thousand year old rule that bans women from driving cars… that started as a ban on women driving camels and just evolved really… into its present form.  Not everyone is thrilled of course.  Clerics and imams and other guardians of female virtue are trying to be respectful of the prince’s revolutionary idea, but have a list of demands if he’s really considering offending allah.  Such as,

1. Beating her while she drives

2. Only driving between the hours of 1:45am-1:48am, and she gets beaten

3. Bag over her head to protect the virtue of her retina

4. Instant honor killing if she cuts off man or for any reason to be determined at a later date if we remember to get around to it… we’re kind of busy

5. Car must be rigged to explode if she honks horn

6. Instant honor killing if she causes a crash with another vehicle a man is driving… regardless of how dead she may be

7. Beating her for asking directions

8. Beating her for being right about directions

But the prince’s real objective is to get rid of the damn foreigners (his words), about 750,000, that have been imported to tote all these women around.  He’s  just being economical, it’s cheaper to have women drive their own cars.  The clerics argue however, that women driving will lead men to lust after them resulting in more women needing killing.  Citing as proof of their claim, Here I Go Again video by White Snake with Jessica Hahn all over a couple of Jaguars.

The video caused such a problem for young Saudi men in the late 80’s the clerics repeatedly tried, unsuccessfully, to behead Ms. Hahn.

The prince has assured the religious leaders they will still be able to beat their women for the usual stuff, and there may be some wiggle room on the list of demands.  The prince said he liked the horn idea and his crappy sense of direction has always been a source of embarrassment with his wives.  He really hates being wrong.

It will be interesting seeing how an otherwise completely homogeneous group of drivers, all male, with an astronomically high auto accident fatality rate as it is,  will fare with the introduction of women into the driving pool.  It has worked exceeding well in the U.S. where women are among the safest drivers (google it)… except in the cases where they are trying to drive and shave their bikini area.

Senator Lugar Has Affirmed He Will Not Not Be Not Voting With the Republicans On HR 1

Senator Lugar (R. IN) wants to clear up an earlier statement he made negating the affirmative statement about  not voting with House Republicans on the GOP budget.

“I’m opposed to it,” said Lugar.  To clarify his position, he restated it this way, “I’m sorry if I misled people,” he said. “I’m going to vote for the Republican resolution, which is as clearly as I can say it.”

I think we can all understand that.