Jack Donaghy Talks to Congress, or so I thought.

My morning news troll uncovered an article about what I thought was Jack Donaghy’s recent Hill visit to share his views on why Obama is such a miserable failure.  FINALLY, Kabletown’s voice of reason has come back to DC to tell congress what’s what!  Only to find out it was just Alec Baldwin coming to plead Obama’s dumb stupid case before congress.  Total disappointment.  I guess Clinton wasn’t available.  Anyway this irked me, irked me greatly.  Nobody cares about what Alec Baldwin thinks.  We care what Jack Donaghy thinks.  Jack is smart, witty, cunning, charming, handsome, successful and an all around great guy.  Alec Baldwin is only two of those things also he didn’t say anything  super smart or wisdomy.  Which is probably why congress was so inspired.  He was speaking their language.  The really  sad thing about all this is in a battle of anything,  Jack Donaghy would have Baldwin for a mid-morning snack.  I mean just read what Baldwin said…

“…this is just my opinion, when you want to put your mark on things, you want to be able to spend. And what’s crippled Obama’s administration, as far as I’m concerned, is the financial crisis and it’s prevented him from doing any new spending,” said Baldwin, who publicly supported Obama in the 2008 Presidential election.

Well DUH!  Also new spending is a stupid idea unless it’s for better ways to kill terrorists.

Donaghy would never have said that because he is awesome.  Let’s do a little comparison shall we?  Awesome Jack Donaghy-isms v. Baldwin.

Donaghy:

“Yes my daughter is Canadien-American, but I’m going to treat her just like a human baby.”

“Who thinks that gesturing with one’s thumbs is for poor people, and is going to be the next CEO of Kabletown? This guy!”

“It was our highest rating since that episode of SVU when the detectives watched American Idol.”

“I can get you into a restaurant where you watch a child play with a bunny, and then you eat the bunny.”

 

“Those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter.”

 

“In my defense, every April 22nd I honor Richard Nixon’s death by getting drunk and making some unpopular decisions.”

 

“Everybody settles.  At one point my obituary was going to read “CEO Of GE Dies Violently In Casino Orgy.” Now what’s it going to say, “Middle Manager Of A Philadelphia Porn Distributor Never Wakes Up?”

 

“What keeps people polite on airplanes? A shared hatred for the CBS sitcoms they’re forced to watch.”

 

“Our health costs are down because we started putting something in the coffee to stop the women from getting pregnant.”

Baldwin:

 

“Cheney is a terrorist. He terrorizes our enemies abroad and innocent citizens here at home indiscriminately”

 

“Down with Dukes of Hazzard!”

 

“Actors are treated like suppositories that are inserted into cavities of the movie-going public.”

 

“I’ve got my groove back!”

 

Absolutely disregarding the fact that I cherry picked the worst quotes, he’s lousy.  Awful.  These quotes stink.  There should be a bill before congress legislating that Alec Baldwin only be allowed to speak in a public forum if he does it as Jack Donaghy.

 

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